Nik Daum has appeared on over four hundred magazine covers across the globe, making him one of the most recognizable faces in the world.

As the author of Look What I Fucked Up and What's That Smell? The Nik Daum Story, Nik has been invited to speak at luncheons and the prestigious TED conference. His sharp and biting criticism of the "new class" on Saved By The Bell was met with a standing ovation from the audience, millions of views online, and a personal apology from series creator Peter Engel.

This handsome fellow has numerous film and television credits. In the 80s, he made a smooth transition from the world of fashion into the arena of broadcast journalism with CBS's acclaimed Nightly Situation Examination which he hosted for six years. In 1987, he hosted his first special for the network, The Magical World of Geoducks!, which won neither Caldecott nor Emmy. Many geoducks were harmed/killed during the filming process.

Nik Daum is also a highly acclaimed producer, having been the driving force behind Poop From the Elephants, which he co-developed with J.J. Abrams. The movie has sold over 2 billion copies in the U.S. alone. Its popularity led to a follow-up, Poop From the Elephants Number Two: 2 Poops 2 Furious. His partnership with Abrams ended abruptly over creative differences and money. But that didn't stop him from producing the hit television show From the Mouth of Angels and the short-lived but critically acclaimed cop drama From the Skillet to the Fire.

Among Nik Daum's many other credits are The Liberator, a feature film in which he starred opposite William Baldwin as the liberator of the oppressed Hittites; Rampaging Bloodscourge, in which he played the lovable "rat-catcher", and numerous after school specials for TV. Despite being both friends and former sex partners with Walters and Hasselbeck, he has yet to be a guest on The View.

In the past fifteen years, he has also become one of the most successful philanthropists of all time. He donates a great deal of time and energy to the Leukemia Society of America, in memory of his younger brother who not only has no connection to leukemia but isn't even real. As part of his other charitable pursuits, he is also is a supporter of breasts, cancer, and research.

Nik Daum currently lives with a wife and no dogs in a dark cloud of uncertainty.
Nik has always maintained self-confidence, despite his big head, deformed eye, plentiful dandruff, greasy hair, failing teeth, bad breath, fattening tummy, oily skin, hairy ass, short and thin legs, weak bony knees, fungus-filled cracking toenails, body odor, foot infections, night terrors, car-crash paranoia, tendency to drip urine on his pants, overeating, laziness, general failure with relationships, jealousy, untrustworthiness, trouble falling asleep, and lack of sports ability.

Most people think that an oversized head would indicate an ability to articulate thoughts, "notions" if you will, in a clear, concise manner without fancy language or needlessly long sentences that don't really contribute additional information to the topic at hand and end up just muddling the point like the ingredients of a poorly assembled cocktail from a bar you wish you hadn't even ducked into. But in Nik's case, this is wrong.

His failure to articulate thoughts is only matched by the inability to express genuine emotion, highly critical nature of himself and others, indecisiveness, materialism, depression, miserliness, self-doubt, and poor skill in matching games.

If this confident-appearing fellow was wheat, he would be the husk. Any germ of confidence has long been spooned onto oatmeal, leaving only the dry outer covering. His body, also like a husk, has increased wrinkling, uneven balls, back pimples, lack of beard growing capability, large nipples, poor running stamina, bad taste in clothes, allergies, stomach issues, irritable bowels, dislike of seafood, uncertain political views, decreasing math ability, poor grammar, delusions, narcissism, ignorance, height, weight, and lack of proper metaphor.

But all of these issues are overshadowed by Nik's award-winning* smile.

When his moist, full lips part, it's impossible to not fall in love with the rows of perfectly aligned teeth that shine like the golden temples Conquistadors hoped to find. Each tooth is more handsome than the next, and they all smell pleasantly of vanilla, sulfur, and composite resin.

Brian Wilson once described Nik's smile as full of "good, good, good, good vibrations" and that it was inspiration for the album Brian Wilson Presents Smile.

Nik described Brian Wilson's smile as inferior to his own and that it was inspiration for nothing.

Nik Daum, vigorous form of ego and ignorance, was born in Indiana in the late Seventies. Following in his deceased parents' footsteps, as a child he worked in a factory assembling insulation products. Nik's boss, Big Bobby, was his primary care-giver during his youth. Big Bobby provided food (mostly from vending machines) and shelter, but he could not meet his young employee's emotional needs. After saving enough money to buy a shotgun, oats, and a cowboy hat, Nik moved to Dallas to start a better life.

In Dallas, Nik mined in open-pit mines. He would separate the minerals from the ore and sort them into different grades, usually based on potency. The strength and the chemical composition of the minerals determined the kind of products that could be made. At the time, most of the minerals were used in building materials, textiles, missile and jet parts, asphalt, paints, and friction products such as brake linings. Some of Nik's ore might even be in the computer terminal or cassette tapes you are using today!

While Nik took pride in the products he was helping to produce, the exposure to ore and ore byproducts ravaged his body. After a series of minor lung replacement surgeries, Nik left the mines and promptly bought a house. Sitting and computers became his hobbies. The following year, Nik met his first girlfriend named Tammy Tay-Sachs. Their courtship resulted in multiple stillborn offspring but no marriage. Tammy wasn't ready for long-term commitment, and the relationship ended just as slowly, awkwardly, and with as much paperwork as it started.

Many years were empty and wet with tears. The emotional hole had to be plugged, and Nik began his search for another one true love. A string of failed relationships resulted: Betty the dancer and her childhood issues, Botty and her strict father, and Batty who had both father and childhood issues. With each break-up, Nik understood more about himself–what he had a taste for in women, the meaning of love, the meaning of life, and to avoid women with names ending in "tty".

But knowledge didn't equal immediate success, and as the years wore on Nik became more desperate to find someone. He felt like time was running out for him to form a meaningful bond.

Depressed, Nik took to eating. He largely consumed fats and oils such as butter, lard, and oil. Tallow was sometimes eaten, in addition to margarine and linseed oil. Due to expense, blubber was a rare treat.

While Nik is no longer alone in life, eating is a coping mechanism that still remains.

Oh, the places I'll be!

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